I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
