I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
