I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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