I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
false alarm, still single
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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