there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize