it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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