i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i dont even know how to be here
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
