I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
