You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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