it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
