I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
