Me too!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
