FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
