so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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