I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
