its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
