I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
