god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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