brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
