is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
