Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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