and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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