Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
