I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
