I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
