she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
