I'm drive I can fine osifer
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
