I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
