Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This house was built for laser tag.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
