I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
