none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
