i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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