community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
