Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
