small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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