Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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