Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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