I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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