Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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