dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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