thus making me awesome and them whores
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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