after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
