I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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