I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.