After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay