and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.