if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again