mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
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its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.