Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.