She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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