can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
