he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
