I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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