we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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