I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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