my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
