Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Soap is not a condiment
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
