my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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