i permit you to call me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
