Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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