I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
