it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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