I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
