somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
