I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
