Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
