im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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