But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
