I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize