Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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