I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
even my farts smell like vagina
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
