also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
