My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
