Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
