Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
