I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
