I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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