What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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