final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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