Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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