she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
