so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
