every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
