I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
